WTC Freedom Tower

In place of the current icepick design for the new World Trade Center Freedom Tower, pictured grimly below, I propose we build the sunny design above.  (I'm not sure how the East River turned into pool water.)

My tower is a gigantic Starbucks cup full of coffee, because: Starbucks IS America and "Where there's coffee there's hope" is a fitting successor to Ronald Reagan's campaign slogan "It's morning again in America..."  (Note that GOP hagiographers tend to ignore the rest of the slogan: "...and you can kiss your ass and government goodbye!")

Starbucks could sponsor the tower, which would be cheap because it (unlike the icepick design, still without tenants) would not be full of government office workers forced to prove how brave we are, as fearless "inland jerks" and GOP / Fox News blowhards dare the terrorists to blow it up.  My tower would be full of coffee, and if the worst happens, New York City will be drenched with enough caffeinated hope to rebuild within a week.


Blast proof base, and simulation of death ray.

Note that my design includes a perverse twist: the air hole in the lid holds a giant magnifying lens that, on 9/11 each year, will focus the rising sun into a death ray that will melt a sacrificial decommissioned jet at Newark airport.  I haven't decided if the jet will be full of coffee.